Where it began, I can't begin to knowin'... January 2, 2023


So today is a holiday (for New Year's being on a Sunday) and we have to travel to NJ.  I would say that I get a four day weekend, but chemo isn't so much like a vacation day. (This post interrupted by half and half throwing up on my floor next to me - thought you all should know that).

I sometimes wonder if anyone will ever read all of these.  I should go back and read some to see where I have been mentally during the first year of this shit.  I know that at first I was really worried.  I didn't feel well those first few months.  I was just starting the diabetes meds and they fucked with my stomach, I got bloated whenever I ate, my bowels were a mess, and my side hurt like hell.  Things actually improved (in some of those systems) during treatment and I got used to some of the shit associated with that first part of treatment.  Did a lot of outside work during that time and had some energy.  The last few months I have felt week and I know I need to start doing some cardio items and I plan on getting back on track for my indoor gardening now that I seem to be on some level of normalcy.  There won't be any surgery again until at least late spring I would guess (as I need to be off chemo for a bit, tumors need to retreat aggressively, etc...).  I am nervous about all that.  Sometimes, I dream that the tumors grew or spread.  It isn't pretty and it scares me.  Lately, I just try to think about today and the next few days.  It is best to just focus in on what I can control and when I can control it.  

Well, I am off to get some items packed and ready for our chemo trip.

I love you all!

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