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What I like about you... February 11, 2026

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  I haven't written in a while.  Just not able to focus that much on it even now in the winter.  I started a new chemo that is supposed to help stabilize or slow my tumor growth,  You can't see, but I one of the side effects is a acne rash like I am a fucking 16 year old; I know I am mentally, but... I have been having issues of late.  Don't seem to be absorbing water or nutrients very well.  I'm on fluids every Monday and Friday.  Some days when I feel horrible, I get scared, especially since the liver tumors are back. She doesn't like to hear me say it, but I just want to get Tiffany to her early social security age so that she can use that money for health insurance premiums and she won't have to go back to work. It has been extremely cold, so I am not real happy.  At least the sun is staying out a little longer and soon we will be on the back side of winter and I will get excited about growing some things (rather than worried about what is gro...
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Hang all the mistletoe... December 9, 2025

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It's Christmas time again - If you've read through all this, then you know I used to do these little milestones.  Yeah, I'm not doing that anymore.  Hell, I don't anything about where I am in the span of things, but I will just continue to persevere.  It is hard sometimes, but I get accustomed to a new normal and I keep plugging forward. This is going to be a weird Christmas.  Maeve is going to California and Gusty has her family, our family is dwindling, and it is a little sad.  I suppose this happens to everyone, but rather than let it bring me down, I am going to focus on all the Christmases that came before and the joy that brought to me.  It isn't about today, it is about yesterday and tomorrow.  Experiences and hope...  It is always about experiences and hope. As far as my health goes, the pump is out of my gut and that has helped a little (the discomfort part), but my insides seem to be pretty messed up.  I suppose it is to be expected...
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If you miss the train I'm on, you will know that I am gone - November 25, 2025

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    I really haven't written in a long time.  What has changed, I want to say so much, but it really isn't.  Chemo has kicked the shit out of my insides, I still have cancer, and I have to flip the Peter, Paul, and Mary album :) You know, I want to complain, but I am mobile, working, able to spend time with and provide for my family.  Am I getting weaker, yep, but I am trying to build my strength back.  Outside of the bad stuff, everyday something happens that I wouldn't want to miss.  I learn something, I see my children and grandchildren grow up just a little more, and I hear my wife's voice say I love you.   I have begun to realize that not one material thing that I have matters in comparison to the time I have to watch and hear those that I love.  I suppose that anyone when faced with their own mortality gets to the same conclusion that none of daily grind matters except for the time we have with others.  This is hard for me as ...
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Akea no ka mauna ke ‘alawa a‘e... June 30, 2025

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  I figure I can milk these Hawaiian songs for quite sometime.  Especially, since I don't make posts as often.  I mean, how many times can I tell you the same thing? Well, speaking of things, the tumors shrunk!  This is good, means chemo is still having some effect on the cancer.  Sometimes I wonder if my body is going to be able to handle it long enough.  This last chemo cycle was hell! Well, I just wanted to say I love everybody and that the fight continues. I love you all!
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Never been this blue... June 12, 2025

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I'm actually not blue, but that is the first line to Stand Tall, by Burton Cummings.  Heard it yesterday and so it is stuck in my head. Things have been going, okay.  I don't like chemo and sometimes I feel like I am wasting away, but I'm not giving up.  Even on the days I feel my worst, I am at least walking the yard and checking on the gardens.  They have been coming along well and it is looking like we might get a lot of grapes this year.   All in all, I could be in a worse place. I need to get all the way to work (which is just switching browsers). I love you all!
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Baby, baby, baby don't leave me... June 4, 2025

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  June 2025, HA!  There are times I wasn't sure I would still be here in 2025, but here I am.  My doctor said he wasn't sure that I would be able to travel come spring/summer of this year, but I could.  Am I the picture of health? No, but I can do more than a lot of people my age who haven't been through my bullshit. I guess the big thing is I can still spend time with and provide for my family.  That is really my drive. The gardening is coming along and I planted a lot more flowering items this year, as well as the berries and grapes seem well established.   Honestly, it is just nice to be outside. Well, just about 7 and I should get to work :) we get to working... I love you all!
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When a man loves a woman... May 22, 2025

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 You probably can't tell, but I am shrinking.  If you find a picture of me in that same sweatshirt from 2 years ago, it is quite noticeable.  All in all, I am still doing alright... considering.  Chemo is kicking my ass hard, but I get about 3 days where I feel good enough to get stuff done.  The 3 to 4 rough days of chemo is painful, but I try to focus on getting through.  Speaking of chemo, today is chemo day (joy joy).   Tiffany is so amazing about taking care of me, I don't know how she does it all. Well, I am going to pretend to work for a bit, then head out to the hospital. I love you all!
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