Heart beat fast. Colors and promises... January 6, 2023


 

I don't think you can tell from the picture, but there are some mornings I cry.  I really can't help it.  This morning, I feel pretty good and I don't know what came over me.  I just started thinking about some of the people I have read about in my cancer group passing and I wish I understood what time I have left.  I told Tiffany in her daily that I would gladly take this cancer if the choice was spending my life with her and getting cancer or not spending it with her and no cancer.  

I suppose what I am saying is that I find my life with Tiffany and our girls to be the most important thing in my entire world and I wouldn't give it up for anything, health, money, fame, etc...  This little world we created is ours and I love it more than life itself.  I just wonder if they realize how much I truly love them and that I would give everything for them.  That seems somewhat sad, but it isn't meant to be.  It is meant to relate how important they have been to me.  So no matter what I am dealing with, I am right where I am supposed to be.

Today was supposed to be bag change day, but I am putting it off a day.  I have been really thick and I didn't want to deal with the mess we dealt with a couple changes ago.  Tiffany is a trooper about these bag changes, but that one was too messy and I suspected this morning would have been as bad.  So one day more it is.

I hydrated a lot yesterday and it helped with the cramping a lot.  It bloated me a bit even with slowing down and sipping, but I feel a lot better today.  I need to start exercising more and getting stoned less.  I will admit the getting stoned does keep my brain in check, but it causes my motivation level to drop to nearly zero and my sugar cravings to go through the roof.  So I am going to try and lay off the weed so much for a bit and see if I can get the sugar cravings under control as I have been eating too much junk food (especially on early treatment week when the steroid is kicking my ass).

Well, I suppose it is time to get to making some breakfast (not very hungry, but a guy should eat).

I love you all!

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