Don't know why. I'm surviving every lonely day - October 22, 2022

 Always has been a struggle for me to smile with teeth even before the Bell's Palsy.  Not sure why, never got the smiling on demand thing down.  Pissed on demand - that I can do.

Yesterday was a good day.  I sat up almost all day.  Phoned in work, seriously it was bad.  Watched LOTR - cartoon, Ralph Bakshi version on my VCR in the man cave (TV is behind me).  Got stoned midday.  A note: the 9/29/22 trimmed BBK/BBR bud is pretty smooth - flavor is good, high is banging (stoned right now :) ) and it still isn't fully cured.  Not sure what major stoners would think, but two hits put me in mellow focus land so I am good.  Trimmed up more bud (yes, there was more).  I am calling this bud, Frost Bud, as it definitively went through a frost.  I am hoping to give that a try in a couple of weeks to see how it effected flavor and THC content (this is what I do now).  I mean honestly, if the chemo plan even works on my liver what do I truly have 2, 3 more years?  I am going to get stoned a lot while I can.  There is absolutely no reason I can't enjoy the fuck out of what I have and if getting stoned every day helps? Fuck it!  Now to figure out how to retire so I can just spend all that time with my family as well (and the pets :) ).

It is supposed to be 69 degrees today so I am going for a long walk.  I want to get some sun on me as it has been a while.  The UV Happy Light is nice and all, but not a full substitute for the real thing.  Also going to trim up the last of the bud (yes, I am done harvesting as we got a hard freeze.  There is really only a couple of branches left with good flower, the rest would have been used for infusion all the same.

Tiffany is amazing.  If I haven't said so already.  She had to get up (early - like 4 AM - no big deal for me, not her thing), take Maeve to her colonoscopy/endoscopy, then go check on her dad.  She is so selfless, I spent a lifetime it feels thinking about myself and it wasn't until she and I got back together and due to Gusty and Maeve I learned quite a bit about selflessness and putting others first.  However, I have nothing on Tiffany.  Her sense of duty and commitment to her family is gorgeous.  I love her so damn much and it makes me cry to think about how much.  I've tried to give her what she needed and some of what she wanted in life.  I'm not sure if anyone is truly every happy or satisfied (I guess that is why we strive for more achievement, better results, etc...), but I hope that I helped her as much as she helped me.  She saved me from a lot of  ghosts and guilt that don't bother me as much as they used to.

Well, time to get some food and take my meds!

I love you all!