Sometimes in the middle of the night I can feel you again... August 6, 2022

 

Yes, I have the same t-shirt I had on yesterday.  That is because I only wore it in the AM and changed into a different one, but does it really matter?

So it is the end of treatment week.  My gut is a mess, my face is beet red, and I have so much I want to do today.  I hate that I had let the house go like I did.  It is so messy and I am trying so hard to organize and make it so we can enjoy it again.  I suppose I shouldn't say it like that.  We have enjoyed it.  We have lived, loved, laughed, etc...  I guess I just feel somewhat like a failure as I do like things to be clean and organized.  

I also let things break and didn't fix them.  Such a driven pursuit of money in the last 7-8 years that I didn't see anything else crumbling around me.  Funny how now the only purpose for that money is to ensure we can make it through this treatment or that god forbid something happens to me Tiffany is going to be ok financially.  It's all pretty surreal.

Well enough of the depression and morbidity.  I'm lonely not having anyone here.  That usually isn't the case, I am generally able to entertain myself, but with how I'm feeling, I just don't feel like doing anything.  I'm going to swap out the network today, so that will keep me busy.  All the IPs in the house will change - I suppose that really only effects me...

Well - I suppose I should get at it or I won't do anything I want to get done this morning.

I love you all!