Tuesday Afternoon... July 12, 2022

 

Not quite afternoon, but Tuesday all the same.  It finally is raining.  Not sure how much we will get as this is just a front moving across the lakes towards us and we are right on the bottom of the line, but I'll take it.  

I'm feeling a little better this morning.  I've gone the last couple of mornings and that helps.  We finally have a meeting with the surgeons Friday.  A little rushed, but I really want to get moving on this.  The chemo is really getting to me lately, and maybe it isn't the chemo, but just all of it.  Not being able to leave the house in fear of Covid, neuropathy in my hands, weakness, fatigue, etc...  I want to be my old self.  

I really should refrain from that.  My old self didn't take very good care of himself, I didn't do the work around the house I should, thought too much about what I wanted and not what the family needed.  So I guess, I want to have the energy of my old self so that I can be my new self.

I really have found some solace in making the yard look better.  I suppose some of that is for me, but also helping Tiffany.  In the event I don't make it, I wanted to leave something that keeps going.  Everything else I have is possession, electronics, etc...  I am not certain what I have given to my wife and kids that will remain with them.  I don't like that they would remember me as a cancer patient.  I want to be remembered as someone that loved them, that gave of himself for them, that thought of them before myself.  That last one has always been hard for me as I have been such a loner throughout life that it becomes difficult at times.  Though like making dinner the other day, I try to find little ways to let them know that I am thinking about them.

However, all of that is for nothing as I am going to get through this surgery, beat cancer's ass, and become the better version of me for what time I have left.  Now if the country could just remain a democracy...

Well, I should ride the bike today - I've been lazy about that.  Also, should at least add one photo of the wild flowers coming along:

I love you all!