March 4, 2022

 I never know what I am going to write on these.  I wake up and after getting my coffee and letting the dogs out, I sit down and just start typing.  Today, I am being harassed by Squirt.  He is swatting my strings on my sweatshirt and running around the deck knocking stuff over.  I do love this cat.

Finally, we got the stone that was causing problems out of Tiffany's kidney.  The DR told me he took a biopsy of something abnormal and I honestly can't handle that right now. Let's hope it was damage from the infection, stones, and stent.  It was nice to take care of her.  I appreciate doing the little things around the house so that I feel useful.

Personally, I feel pretty good.  The pain in my side comes and goes, yesterday it was a little worse than usual.  I think sometimes it is compounded by the gas when I eat.  I don't seem to be processing food right so sometimes I just feel full all day.  It is hard to force yourself to eat when your stomach feels full.  Luckily, in the first half of the day I have been hungry and food tasted good to me.  Getting stone helps with the appetite, but I have to be careful not to over eat or eat stuff that I shouldn't be (sugar, junk, hot dogs).

We are going to have dinner with Jamie tonight and the kids tomorrow.  It is nice to have plans to do stuff out of the house.  I worry about spending the money.  I know it is just dinner, but I think about all the care I am about to have and I worry we will have to dip into savings.

Speaking of all the care, I get the "port" put in on Monday morning.  This is the first step to start my chemotherapy.  I want to get going with that and I don't.  The idea of putting poison into my body on purpose somewhat scares me, but the bigger concern is "what if it doesn't work".  I have hope after reading some articles, looking at my blood work, and just because I am a stubborn mule at times.  I am going to get through this.  I am going to beat the odds.

Tiffany likes to say one day at a time. I am going to enjoy this weekend.  Two dinners/lunches with friends or family.  It is going to be 60 degrees on Sunday (maybe rain, but not all day) and we are going to sit outside and enjoy the sun!  I am going to try and get the bulk of winter's dog messes out of the yard on Saturday (it is such a mess).  I've always been lazy about the dog messes in winter.

I feel like I am in limbo most days so the activity this weekend and the upcoming procedure help move things forward.  I have been practicing some meditation techniques to try and get out of my head and stay in the moment.  It is hard for me.  I tend to have a very active inner dialogue that distracts me constantly.  

Well, today's time is up.  I need to ride the exercise bike and do my yoga exercises.

I love you all so very much.