March 11, 2022

 

I know, I need to change that hoodie.  I really don't wear it all day, just about an hour in the AM and a couple hours at night (usually with a t-shirt), but it is time ;)

So it's Friday!  I really am looking for a couple of days off from work.  I will be honest that I have been phoning it in lately.  It is funny how hard it is not to think about your cancer.  I never really understood the idea of terminal illness.  I mean I empathized as well as I could, but I didn't realize how invasive it was in your thoughts.

I do try to think about the future, that there are some who beat this thing, etc...  I know how important it is to stay in the now and not let it all wave over me.  It is hard.  I keep trying to find that magic activity that just makes it all float away.  Being with Tiffany really helps, but I think she has been struggling as well.  I don't think she wants to talk to me about it as she is trying to be strong for me (she is amazing like that).

I think the main thing is the waiting.  No one can state the chemo will work and we have to wait an see.  It is the waiting that eats away at you.  Most days I feel good enough for activity.  Lately, my stomach has been extremely crampy, but outside of that I am able to get around, work, and basically do whatever I would normally.  Not all of it as I am healing from the port in my chest, but all in all, I can do most physical and all mental activities.  I need to get outside more, but the weather isn't helping.  

We are currently in the path of a winter storm that may dump 6-10 inches on Saturday.  That means a nice day inside with Tiffany and Maeve (think I wrote about this yesterday).  I am going to try and make that fun.

I have been trying to look for some cancer support groups.  I have never been much for group (never really took to it when I had to go in the past), but it just seems like something I should do.  People that understand may be helpful, people farther along in the journey, and people who may have survived it.  I may dial into one of the virtuals and see how it goes.

Well the time is up for today.

I love you all!