I love you and that is all I know... June 1, 2022

 

It's June 1st, I really can't believe we are in the 6 month of the year.  It just seems like yesterday I was getting CT Scans showing bad results, but that was January.  I suppose I should be happy to be here with the way everyone treated me at first (the medical folks).

Unfortunately, this was a rough weekend.  I took some time off, but my bowels ended up getting the best of me and I was getting sick and nauseas due to it.  

Tiffany is not doing well with all this.  I wish I had the magic recipe to make her feel better.  I am trying to be as normal and not-needy as possible.  I know that if the situation was reversed, I would be a basket case.  There is nothing in my life that has never felt so right as being this her.  It doesn't matter what we are doing or where we are, as long as she is near me the world is right.  I suppose she feels the same way and the thought of me not beating this cancer is eating away at her.  It is why I have to beat this cancer.  Not for me, it really hasn't been for me except at first.  At first, I was afraid to die, I was afraid of everything that came with cancer treatment.  Then I realized that I'd been a pretty selfish person in my life.  Maybe not so much outwardly, but in my head.  I thought about me, how it affected me, what was in it for me, etc...  Not anymore, I see what me being sick has done to my family and more importantly my wife.  

This is why I am trying to build lasting things in the yard.  Garden beds, perennial flowers and herbs, will last long beyond me, regardless of when I go.  I am also trying to fix the things that are horribly broken around the house and do all the shit that I have been to self-indulged to finish.  It figures, all the motivation in the world, but no energy.

Well, speaking of motivation, I need to get on that exercise bike today!

I love you all!