Where I've become so numb... May 5, 2022

 


I look like a psychopath in this picture, but I don't take multiple morning selfies.  It is the one and if I look like an escaped mental patient, that is what you get :)

I put the Evanescence line in the title because I heard the song in a movie last night and it reminded me that I like that song (most of their songs to be honest).  However, that line kind of speaks to me.  I have become somewhat numb or maybe all the things that used to cause me stress and anxiety just don't seem that important any more.

I had a good day yesterday.  Ended up working from home and everything has started to feel better (the joy of late non-treatment week).  I felt good all day and the head seemed much clearer.  I didn't get the feeling like my brain was throwing me out when I tried to think.  It resulted in me doing a lot more work for work and just seemed like I had stepped out of a coma.  I suppose I should get used to that as I have 8 more treatments to go (or minimum 2 as I am confident that I am getting progress from the chemo).

We have some plans for the weekend to do some family gaming (new Nintendo Sports) and have a nice Saturday.  I am hoping that is the case.  I tried to do some evening gaming with Tiffany as we generally do VR bowling or golf, but I just get so tired at night and last night was the first night I felt like I could have, but I didn't want to over do.  

Well need to get my ride in this morning so I have to run.

Love you all!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

She said, she said, "You don't know shit because you've never been there"... March 24, 2024

Image
 It's been a while since I posted (I say that every post now), but I don't seem to have the morning time I used to and I am not certain why (going to work I guess).   I have been plugging along.  Getting back to the shitty routine of work and weekends, with a mix of NJ travel.  It has been since October since I had systematic chemo and I'm on my first of at least two pump breaks.  I just had liver ablations done (6 hour procedure) and they say they got everything they could see, which tells me they have been down this path before (burn out what they can see, but the little ones are still growing).   Either way, this gives me more time, and I hope they got it all.  I have scans on May 1, so I will know somethings then.  It is all just a wait and see game; which I no longer want to play. The family is doing well (I guess).  I feel like I put everyone's life in limbo, because I kind of did.  I am going to try and get my ass in gear this summer and do stuff, but we will see
Read more

I won't dance, don't ask me... August 11, 2023

That song in not on in the background of this video, but listening to the swing albums makes me think of it.  It was so funny the time I re-wrote the lyrics to talk about Maeve not napping.  I won't nap, don't ask me...  I haven't been feeling very well.  I try not to let Tiffany know, but I have been so lightheaded and dizzy combined with some nasty insides, I just feel like things are getting worse.  It could be my body is sick of the chemo.  I hope that is what the issue is and not that I have cancer in my gut or brain. I am going to try and get some work outside done today.  I bailed on work, I just can't keep my head in the game and it isn't fair to them that I just sit here staring at a screen.  If I am not working they shouldn't pay me. Well, I am going to get busy on the day. I love you all!
Read more

March 6, 2022

Image
 Feeling a little lightheaded this morning.  Still I road the stationary bike for 20 minutes so I am keeping up my trend of getting up and stretching (yoga) and then exercising.  I have been having some pain in my chest, but I think that is just the stress of knowing that I am about 1 week away from starting chemo. The chemo they are giving me is for colorectal cancer, but is associated with prolonging life but not curing my cancer.  I am going to fight like hell to be the statistical anomaly that beats this thing.  Thank God for my family as I am not certain I would not fight as hard for myself as I will for them. It is supposed to be 67 degrees today so I am looking forward to getting outside.  It wasn't nice enough to get out yesterday and clean up the dog messes, but I will get to that earlier this morning.  It is already 40+ degrees outside so I am looking forward to having some windows open today. Squirt is currently sleeping on my right arm. He is such a baby.  I don't h
Read more