I can't help this feeling anymore... May 14, 2022

 


That is not the same picture from yesterday (just the same sweatshirt).  It's 61 degrees outside and my hands are still too cold to stop tingling. 

Got Tiffany home yesterday.  I can't believe how much my mortality has made me realize how much I love my family.  I suppose everyone that has the time to think about their lives begins to realize what was important and what wasn't.  You know we talk about the pursuit of wealth as if it is unimportant, but my current condition would bankrupt us if we (Tiffany and I) hadn't worked so hard.  It's a catch-22 really.  I want the hours and hours I gave to work back, but know that I now need the finances it allowed.  Sad really.

Either way, though I am terrified with my upcoming re-scan, I am filled with love for my wife and daughters.  I want to think that I am improving with treatment, but it is really hard to say with the side-effects from the chemo worsening.  My side doesn't hurt as much, but I am also taking a laxative (full dose) every night.  I just don't know if my body would tell me if the tumors are getting better.  The interesting thing is this week I didn't get as cloudy as normal.  Maybe it is because I had to take care of Tiffany - not sure.  Either way, I am going to be a ball of nerves until I get those results next week.

I just had to get the dogs from outside, I love those two little buggers as well.  They are just giant balls of love that give me big hugs in the morning.


This isn't this morning, but it is still my little babies.  




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