Friday night I'm going nowhere. All the lights are changing green to red... November 10, 2022

 Well, I had my first overnight bag leak.  It is so embarrassing it's like I am a little kid shitting the bed.  I know that it isn't, but all of the shit combined with that literal shit is just too much for me at times.

I am pretty relaxed now, but I did get stoned while burping the weed. I tried some late harvest frost bud - it seems pretty good.  I know I shouldn't get stoned in the morning before work, but you know what?  Next week I am going back to the office and there will be no getting stoned in the AM, etc.. as upsetting as that is.  I have grown accustomed to turning off the brain wandering and just focusing on one thing and unfortunately sometimes that one thing is work.

I ate way too much sugar yesterday, but the weed and the steroid make me so hungry!  I haven't gained a lot of weight so I suppose that is good, but I need to start eating better.  I was doing so well for a while and then it just fell apart and I am back on cheese and meat on carbs (tortilla, toast, etc..) or just hot dogs/sausage.  I need to get some vegetables into my diet even though it just goes right through me (I know this - thank you caesar salad for showing me that I will not digest lettuce.

Have a meeting with the oncologist today about the scans.  Hopefully, his take is a positive as mine on the last scan.  I didn't get to see the actual pictures like they do for me at Guthrie (not that I know what I am looking at anyway).  The write ups are very cancer focused whereas Guthrie's radiologist writes about everything (calcification of arteries, etc...).  I suppose Sloan isn't looking to send me to other specialists to drive income they just do cancer, why comment on anything else unless it was life threatening.

Well, I am going to get first breakfast in :)

I love you all!