Take your mind back, I don't know when... February 18, 2023

 


It is 5:01 AM on a Saturday.  I'm stoned, listening to swing music, and sitting in the dark with only the light of my hue bulbs in the preset Artic Aurora (hence the green/blue hue behind me).  There is so much I want to do with this room and I should just get started, but I keep letting malaise get in my way.  I suppose there are times I am just having a little pity party for myself and I don't want to do anything.

I mean don't get me wrong, I do the dishes and clean the kitchen, but that is about it.  I stare at my computer screen for hours really doing nothing there as well.  I don't want to be on autopilot until surgery, but it is hard not to.  

I kind of hate that I can't really game any more.  I was able to do some Minecraft there for a while, but I can't even seem to focus on that.  I suppose I should just start gaming, cleaning, making, and then see if my attitude changes.  It really is my choice of how I approach the day.  I was just thinking yesterday I was taking some pre-photos of my getting back into shape post series.  This was me yesterday:


I was feeling pretty good yesterday, rode the bike on high resistance for a song, did some resistance band curls, and trying to make myself feel strong.  This is the attitude I have to have to get through recovery and trying to regain me.  I can't express how hopeful, hell determined, I am to be cancer free and get back to loving my wife and family.

Well, I should go have my morning toast and medicine.  I do think I might have pancakes today.  I really do want them.

I love you all!

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