I had big plans for our future... February 24, 2023


 

The angle of that camera makes me look chubby.  I suppose I am still a bit chubby, but not much.  I am in such a rut of blah it isn't funny.  I guess I am so stressed and nervous about the surgery and all the travel to and from NYC that it is eating away at me.  I try not to think about it directly all the time, but I think it is there eating away at me.

I know that someday I have to die.  It is inevitable.  Though it doesn't have to be before I am 60 or even 70.  I would like to be around a bit longer for my girls.  This is why I need to adjust this attitude.  There is no reason for "whoa is me" and I need to get out of this depression.  It is hard at times as there is so much I want to do here at home, but I have work all week (or pretend to work).  

I am going to try to have some fun on Saturday.  I am going to charge up the VR devices and we are going to bowl or golf - both?  I need to do something that is fun and distracts me from the doldrums.  I tried to find a game to play yesterday, but I can't focus long enough to do anything of consequence.  My head just doesn't want to do it.  However, I need to start doing things that forces my brain to think, focus, and enjoy.  I don't want this cancer BS to leave a permanent impact on my ability to think.  It is already doing that and I will need to start practicing talking slower and thinking before I speak as I start talking, but I start to forget words or where I am in a sentence.  It is really annoying for someone like me that always loved that fact that my brain was strong and healthy.

Well, I need to get making breakfast and packing my lunch.

I love you all!

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