Whenever this world gests the best of me... December 4, 2022

 

I am not fearing making it to Christmas or St. Paddy's.  I feel pretty good other than the fact that my stoma always stings and itches.  I suppose that is something I am going to just deal with and learn to ignore it.  I have been enjoying cooking, cleaning, and organizing the kitchen.  I am not sure why I am so obsessed with the kitchen.  Maybe it is because it is the easiest room.  Though full of stuff we use it and clean it (at least the dishes) every day.  

I am trying to feel Christmas spirit. I think I have forgotten how to be filled with joy or wonder.  The real world has hit me so hard on so many occasions that I left the young man who still had a childish like wonder about the universe somewhere on the side of the road.  I know I don't have to come into Christmas with a childish wonder, but I think you understand what I mean.  I have got to the point where I realize I have more behind me than in front of me.  I am trying to dig into those Christmases that were so important to me.  Tiffany and my first Christmas in our home.  The house was clean, new, and the Christmas decorations were a mix of old and new, starting a tradition in our home.  There wasn't anything crazy memorable about that specific Christmas, but I just remember feeling so much joy about us (Tiffany and I).  It really has always been about us.

Anyhow!  I am trying to get my Christmas spirit in gear and I have to make sure that everyone I love knows that I love them.  I should do that everyday, I know, but I have never really been very good at the showing emotion thing.

Well - time to burp the weed and get some food in my belly.

Love you all!



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Feelings, nothing more than feelings... November 19. 2024

Image
  I really have to get more sweatshirts.  In a couple of days we will be heading back into NYC to get my liver ablated, again.  This is the 3rd time.  3rd times a charm?  I am not sure how I feel.  I spent all day Sunday getting things done outside so I still can burst some energy out, but it leaves me exhausted.  I don't have the energy I had just a few months. I have started another blog, but public - I am not sure why I am driven to do these things.  I have always been an introvert with a need for attention I guess (it's strange, I know). Well, I don't have a lot to say this morning outside of the fact that I am beginning to realize that I spent way too much time in my life thinking about me and it is sad that it has taken me this long to realize that life is about everyone else. I love you all!
Read more

She said, she said, "You don't know shit because you've never been there"... March 24, 2024

Image
 It's been a while since I posted (I say that every post now), but I don't seem to have the morning time I used to and I am not certain why (going to work I guess).   I have been plugging along.  Getting back to the shitty routine of work and weekends, with a mix of NJ travel.  It has been since October since I had systematic chemo and I'm on my first of at least two pump breaks.  I just had liver ablations done (6 hour procedure) and they say they got everything they could see, which tells me they have been down this path before (burn out what they can see, but the little ones are still growing).   Either way, this gives me more time, and I hope they got it all.  I have scans on May 1, so I will know somethings then.  It is all just a wait and see game; which I no longer want to play. The family is doing well (I guess).  I feel like I put everyone's life in limbo, because I kind of did.  I am going to try and get my ass in gea...
Read more

February 27, 2022

 Tiffany is amazing!  I know that she doesn't feel well as she has an infection in her kidney due to her stones.  She continues to take care of me regardless.  In the morning, I am generally able to get around without issue (except for the pain in my side), but by afternoon I am generally really tired.  More tired than you should be from just sitting around.  Eating zaps every bit of strength out of me for some reason leaving me extremely lightheaded.  I try to hide how bad I am feeling after eating as I know it upsets her. I have a lot of hope about upcoming treatment.  I expect to start on chemo as everything I read suggests they won't go after the tumors in my liver via surgery.  What I fear is that if the chemo doesn't slow the progression of the liver metastatic disease that I will get real sick in the coming year.  I had an ultrasound a year ago that didn't show any lesions on the liver and a year later I have several.  Hopefu...
Read more