In the quiet of the a shadow... December 2, 2022

 


My phone camera takes much better pictures than my computer camera (of course).  I am going to try and force myself to be happy today and have asked Tiffany to help me.  I want to decorate the living room like we used to and enjoy Christmas.  I am so depressed that this could be my last Christmas that it is eating away at me and instead of trying to make it something to remember I am angry, sad, and irritable.  That isn't who I am and I used to love Christmas and I am not sure how I lost my childish and wonder approach to the holiday.  Years of trying to pretend that I wanted to be an adult I guess.  Being an adult sucks ass and why would I want to focus on that bullshit.

I think everyone in the house is upset and depressed because I am.  They emulate or reflect my attitude and lately I have been letting the cancer win the mental game and I am not going to do that anymore.  

Well, I need to get the jars burped, some breakfast, and get my ass to work.  

I love you all!

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