Though the weather outside is frightful... December 15, 2022


  10 days until Christmas and if this weather keeps up, we will have a white Christmas.  It will be nice.  I know that I talk about this being my last Christmas, some days, I feel like it could be (and that may just be depression, etc...) and others I feel like I am going to beat this thing.  I hate that it is a crap shoot, but I have taken the gamble from a treatment perspective and let's hope it pays off.

The weather I speak of is a winter storm that could drop 5-10 inches of snow on us.  Not a ton in upstate NY snow, but enough.  In my weakened state, I can't be a lot of help on the snow removal part and that upsets me.  That is one of the things that I do.  I am not much of a macho man that separates a man's work from a woman's, but the snow removal has always been my responsibility.  I suppose it melts. :)

I have been really dizzy and lightheaded as of late, but a lot of that I think is dehydration.  I tend to push most of my water right out to the ostomy bag and I don't think I retain much of it.  Last night was the first time in several I didn't have cramps in my legs that woke me up and required I walk around to work them out.  It would have been nice to sleep straight through to the 3:30/4:00 AM wake up and empty my bag (my brain seems to know it is time to empty).  The new belts/covers I bought for the ostomy bag seem to have stopped the sleeping leakage which is a good thing.  That was extremely yucky and embarrassing.  

I have been worried about Tiffany lately, she has taken on so much with me being ill and depending on how long I am ill, she may have to do that for some time.  I have been trying to do things like clean up, dishes, cooking, etc... to try and off-load the things I can do so that she isn't doing everything.  I can't believe how much I love her and how much this has made me realize that she truly would do anything for me.  I am not sure how to show her how appreciative I am that she loves me so much.

Well, as always it is getting to be time to start my day.

I love you all!


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