Come they told me... December 8, 2022


 I am going to be honest - today it is the same sweatshirt and t-shirt.  I wasn't feeling so hot yesterday so no a lot got done for my hygiene.  Such important information I know, but I guess it describes my current state of mind/affairs. 

It is funny, days like yesterday I wish I could just do what I want to at home (not work for someone else, not work at all from an occupation standpoint).  I want to fix, clean, and cook.  I want to focus on my health, etc...  However, I should take some solace in the fact that I am still healthy enough to work (such an American thing isn't it - I am healthy enough to work!  Yeah!).  

I am feeling a bit better this morning so I will try and keep my blood sugar down today so that I can feel better.  I just really tired of eating only low-carb, no sugar, etc...  It is boring, tasteless, or has a nasty fake sweetener aftertaste.  

I bitch about these things, but I feel like I am in a better place than many at this time.  I have hope after hearing about so many stage IV CRC patients living longer and surviving this.  I do get really tired of being sick at times, but more of it is the treatment than the disease I am sure of it.  I mean seriously, the ostomy, the pump, the chemo, the steroid, none of that is the cancer.  Another interesting item is that I kind of feel better than I did a year ago when I (hell everybody in the house) knew I was feeling sick and in pain.  I have good things and I need to focus on them.

Well, I have to go eat something that isn't good for me :)  and some things that are.

I love you all!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Feelings, nothing more than feelings... November 19. 2024

Image
  I really have to get more sweatshirts.  In a couple of days we will be heading back into NYC to get my liver ablated, again.  This is the 3rd time.  3rd times a charm?  I am not sure how I feel.  I spent all day Sunday getting things done outside so I still can burst some energy out, but it leaves me exhausted.  I don't have the energy I had just a few months. I have started another blog, but public - I am not sure why I am driven to do these things.  I have always been an introvert with a need for attention I guess (it's strange, I know). Well, I don't have a lot to say this morning outside of the fact that I am beginning to realize that I spent way too much time in my life thinking about me and it is sad that it has taken me this long to realize that life is about everyone else. I love you all!
Read more

She said, she said, "You don't know shit because you've never been there"... March 24, 2024

Image
 It's been a while since I posted (I say that every post now), but I don't seem to have the morning time I used to and I am not certain why (going to work I guess).   I have been plugging along.  Getting back to the shitty routine of work and weekends, with a mix of NJ travel.  It has been since October since I had systematic chemo and I'm on my first of at least two pump breaks.  I just had liver ablations done (6 hour procedure) and they say they got everything they could see, which tells me they have been down this path before (burn out what they can see, but the little ones are still growing).   Either way, this gives me more time, and I hope they got it all.  I have scans on May 1, so I will know somethings then.  It is all just a wait and see game; which I no longer want to play. The family is doing well (I guess).  I feel like I put everyone's life in limbo, because I kind of did.  I am going to try and get my ass in gea...
Read more

February 27, 2022

 Tiffany is amazing!  I know that she doesn't feel well as she has an infection in her kidney due to her stones.  She continues to take care of me regardless.  In the morning, I am generally able to get around without issue (except for the pain in my side), but by afternoon I am generally really tired.  More tired than you should be from just sitting around.  Eating zaps every bit of strength out of me for some reason leaving me extremely lightheaded.  I try to hide how bad I am feeling after eating as I know it upsets her. I have a lot of hope about upcoming treatment.  I expect to start on chemo as everything I read suggests they won't go after the tumors in my liver via surgery.  What I fear is that if the chemo doesn't slow the progression of the liver metastatic disease that I will get real sick in the coming year.  I had an ultrasound a year ago that didn't show any lesions on the liver and a year later I have several.  Hopefu...
Read more