Deck the halls with boughs of holly... December 17, 2022

 

Sent this to Tiffany in her daily this morning:

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It's 3:25 AM, I am listening to Christmas music, and it reminds me of when I was a kid around Christmas.  I could never sleep as I was so excited about the presents.  More than that, I still believed that something amazing happened on Christmas, that everyone felt as much anticipation for peace and joy.  I suppose there must have been a lot of catholic in me still then, but it wasn't just the birth of Jesus.  It was that I was still naive enough to believe that everyone was searching for peace and joy, but I really was full of spirit when I was younger.  I would sing those Christmas songs loud for all to hear (from a corner of the cellar).  So, I suppose I was a peace and love hippie.  I should have kept that spirit and I definitely should have focused a bit more on peace and love hippie in me. 

Anyway, this is probably why I am trying to be Christmas-y this year; recapture a bit of that young kid that still had enough belief that one day could influence a whole world

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And I am trying (as you may have read in some earlier posts) to recapture some of that wonder and anticipation of what the world could be.  I guess I was influenced a lot by Star Trek.  A world where people all gave and were content in what they had.  They had eliminated war and the conflicts of state.  They hadn't done it with religious dogma.  It is interesting that all the religions have at their heart, love and kindness towards your fellow man and yet we can't seem to do that.  

I spent the first part of my adulthood (post 18?) angry, prideful, etc...  I suppose that is somewhat how a young society feels.  They want things, they blame others, they lack contentment. It wasn't until I got back with Tiffany and moved back home that I began to realize that the more I let the calm defeat the rage inside me the better I felt, the more love I gave and the more love I received (There is a Beatles lyric in there somewhere ;) ).  So peace inside me led to my ability to live peaceful.  When it all comes down to it, I have been very content and my needs became those of others and mostly Tiffany and the girls.  

I have truly been blessed the last 22 years to have moments in which my soul knew peace, joy, and love.  I will focus on that the rest of the holiday as I may not have realized it as a young man and not until just now, but my Christmas memories that are always good are in a time frame when the whole family was younger, Jean to Martina, all of us up before mom and dad, making coffee, anticipating presents, and hungry for family breakfast.  It was the family being together, happy (or at least what I remember), full of anticipation, peace, and joy.  I've had that every day for 22 years.  Every day was Christmas and I think I missed some of that.  I see it clearly now though.  Kids waking up, going to school, having dinner together, watching a movie, playing a game (I wonder if Gusty remembers playing Mario Kart on the GameCube with Tiffany and I in the dining room den), and so many other things.  We share so many memories, inside jokes, and so much more.  You miss those little things sometimes and they just become common place, but if you think about it, focus on it, you find that place inside yourself that knows peace, joy, and contentment.  Everyday, really is Christmas, there are gifts all around you, you just have to look.

Well, it is 4:00 AM and I think I might have something to eat.  I should have gone back to bed, but I didn't feel like it today.  

I love you all!