Well I'm shameless, when it comes to loving you... May 6, 2023

It's Saturday.  Right now, that doesn't matter as I haven't worked since March 10th or so.  I guess I am ready to go back to work.  I have been having this annoying pain in my right side.  Not quite like the one that made me initially go to the DR, but similar.  It sucks that every time I don't feel up to something, a little nausea, or a pain inside my body, I immediately assume it is cancer related.  I suppose it is what every cancer patient goes through.  

In my reading I find all these people that start running or exercising aggressively once they are diagnosed and part of me wonders where the energy comes from.  I was drained by all the treatment (and had to carry a chemo pump every other week for 3 days).  I suppose I did ride the exercise bike a bit, but nothing like running a 5k.  The person I was reading about had run 3 5k's (their first 5k ever) in 2 years.  Funny as I don't want to run a 5k, I want to have the energy to clean the house, garden, or just be alert.  I suppose I am suffering a bit from depression.  I am also recovering from major surgery which was only 7 weeks ago.  I guess that I should expect that it will take me some time to get back to normal energy level.  I am going to try and not get stoned all day and see how I feel.  I know the come down from the weed makes me tired and I do use it to sleep so there is that idea that my body wants to sleep when I get stoned as that is normally what I do.  The problem is it stimulates my appetite and I don't really feel hungry most of the time.  Also, if I eat really small meals, I can't make up the needed calories for the day.  I just have a hard time making food every 2 hours (it is somewhat annoying).

I suppose I should just try to get back to normal (whatever that is anymore).  

Outside of that, things are going ok.  It is still looking like the drains will come out on Tuesday.  The only thing that scares me is that there could still be infection in the the abscesses and I will go septic after removal.  I have to trust the DR's decision on the drains.  It will be nice to get them out and if they do take them out on Tuesday and I am not all drugged up, I am going to see if Tiffany wants to walk down to St. Patrick's Cathedral again.  Last time I was there I asked for more time, I got more time.  I am going to continue to ask for more time.  Needy, I know, but I am not ready.  Between covid and cancer, I haven't seen my family, rarely saw my friends, and basically haven't left the house.  Now mind you, I am not much of a "leave the house" kind of guy to begin with.

Well, I suppose I should try to eat something and maybe get some things done while I have morning energy.

I love you all!