Tom, get your plane right on time... May 1, 2023

 

It's May 1st.  Things are pretty much the same.  The liver drains keep me from sleeping well and I don't have a lot of energy.  My bowels have yet to appreciate the ileostomy reversal and I struggle with that.  I still feel pretty nauseous and eating is a struggle, but I continue to shove food into me because I know I have to and for Tiffany and girls.

I read on my Facebook group that another guy has died of colorectal cancer.   His story was somewhat similar to mine.  Colon tumor removal, ileostomy, then they found the liver tumors (seems strange to me they didn't find them at first).  He passed about a year after diagnosis.  It was really sad.  There was some catharsis in reading his story.  I have a brotherhood of people fighting this disease with me and that for some reason gives me strength (misery loves company?).  However, I am struck by how some respond to chemo and others don't.  

I am so thankful for the time I have had with my family since my diagnosis a year ago.  I want more of it.  I want some of it while I am stronger and we can enjoy life.  After reading that story online, I worry about me.  I am hopeful, confident, that I can beat this thing and I treat most days like I have many more.  I suppose I really should start doing the one day at a time thing so that I don't feel guilty if my time comes too soon.  I need to get out of this funk I am in so that I can do that.  

As far as things are honestly going:

I have some pain right next to my ileostomy reversal wound and a weird indentation there when I am standing.  My bowels are a pain, but they are working (albeit not very well, but working).  My liver drains continue to produce output, but it is so random that I don't know whether I am getting better or they are just clogged at the time.  My energy levels are whack.  It [energy] comes in spurts, but I have yet to have a sustainable period where I just "feel good".  I have started to read on the loo.  Funny sentence, I know, but it is true.  It helps with the not rushing the business and I have to start getting this brain back in order.  Part of that will be writing in the blog regularly again and trying to make certain that I put in a few paragraphs (minimum) of thought so that I am making the brain function again.

As to family, Tiffany continues to be amazing and takes care of me better than I could ask for.  She is amazing.  The kids are doing alright (I almost just did the "kids are alright", but then I might have gone down a Who rabbit hole).  I would like to see Maeve finish school and she does seem to be trying harder this semester.  I am hopeful on her getting to the point where she can provide her own health insurance by 25.  Gusty is woefully close to that age, but I don't expect she will have a providing job by then.  

Well, I think I am going to get moving (dishes and such) or I will find myself sitting the rest of the day.  Soon I will have work to keep me busy most of the day (or at least pretend to be), but I should plan out the weekend days to make sure I am not just sitting randomly doing things.  This is one of the reasons my brain is not playing well - no structure.

I love you all!