A taste of honey. Tasting much sweeter than wine... May 5, 2023

 So it is looking like the liver drainage tubes will come out on Tuesday (unless something crazy happens between now and then).  I really can't wait.  The liver drains aren't responsible for the lack of energy or the focus issues.  That I believe is the result of chemo and I need to start powering through that.  

The good thing is that I am here, but what good does me being here do if I am too weak to do anything (other than work/insurance).  At least when the bags are gone I will be able to bend over, twist, and sleep.  Also, Tiffany will get a break from nursing duties, but I suspect that as I progress she will have some more nursing duties to deal with.  I feel so bad for her.  Sometimes she must think that I am just a "dead man walking".  Though I think we both are heavily on the hope side that I will beat this thing and this too will pass.  I am hopeful, but scared.

As you can see from the multiple days of blog posts that I am getting a little better about focus and control.  I will admit that some of the is the ganja.  Though it gets me high, it also gives me a little mellow capability to focus.  Unfortunately, I know that my brain isn't what it used to be, but it is getting a little better.  It is funny that sometimes when I try to think, it hurts like my brain is yelling, "NO!" at me.  It makes me think of Avenger Infinity War when Banner is trying to get The Hulk to come out:

Banner:  Hulk. Hulk, I know you like making your entrance at the last second, well, this is it, man. This is the last *last* second. Hulk! Hulk! HULK!

Hulk: No!

Banner: Oh screw you, you big green asshole.  I'll do it myself.

Kind of how I feel with my brain right now.  I am just going to have to force it to do what I want.  It has been difficult to focus on anything of consequence, but I feel if I make myself do something every day that requires a bit of mental activity it will help.

However, right now, I need to eat and take my morning meds.

I love you all!