Your love, lifting me higher - Than I've ever been lifted before... July 11, 2023


 

So, I have been blogging, stream of consciousness typing since Feb of 22.  Not a lot of days missed in that time.  Sometimes I was in surgery, others I just didn't get to it, but for the most part daily.  So it has been over a year and a half.  Sometimes it feels like it has gone by fast and other times it feels like it has been a long time.  Either way, it has been tough for everybody.  I try to hide how much my cancer bothers me from my family, but I don't think I do a very good job of it.  Some days I feel really sick (probably the chemo) and others I don't, but it is always in my head that I have cancer.

The good thing is I have such a loving family.  I knew that Tiffany and the girls loved me, but something like this shows you how much and they have truly given me reason to live.  I used to work hard for them, now I survive for them as they want me around.

I don't have a lot to talk about today garden is struggling with bugs/slugs eating the brussels sprout plants, but the grapevine is coming back and the blackberries look good (thus far).  Here is a picture of the baby hydrangea I am putting in the front yard by the porch:


I really do wish I could just retire and take care of the garden, but that is most likely not a possibility and I fear I will be working until at least 65 if I make it that long.  

Well, I need to get some Minecraft in.

I love you all!



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

First time ever I saw your face... April 8, 2024

Image
 Yes, that is War Games playing behind me :) Today is the near full eclipse here in Upstate NY.  Though we have a trip to NJ to do pump maintenance, we are going to stay and watch the eclipse before we leave for the day.  I have been in a funk lately and having a hard time finding joy in anything.  I through myself so hard into work the 10 years before my cancer diagnosis that I don't know what else I enjoy.   I lost a fellow cancer sufferer the other day.  He went pretty quickly once he went into managed hospice.  It is depressing to watch.  Jason was NED at one time, or at least thought he was.  I am glad that we never settled in too hard on the clear CT scans as I would be even more depressed than I already am.  It is really hard at times to find great joy when you are uncertain about your health. I suppose I should understand that no one is guaranteed a tomorrow.  I know about the infamous bus that might hit you, but mine is slowly driving down the road and I can't get out
Read more

She said, she said, "You don't know shit because you've never been there"... March 24, 2024

Image
 It's been a while since I posted (I say that every post now), but I don't seem to have the morning time I used to and I am not certain why (going to work I guess).   I have been plugging along.  Getting back to the shitty routine of work and weekends, with a mix of NJ travel.  It has been since October since I had systematic chemo and I'm on my first of at least two pump breaks.  I just had liver ablations done (6 hour procedure) and they say they got everything they could see, which tells me they have been down this path before (burn out what they can see, but the little ones are still growing).   Either way, this gives me more time, and I hope they got it all.  I have scans on May 1, so I will know somethings then.  It is all just a wait and see game; which I no longer want to play. The family is doing well (I guess).  I feel like I put everyone's life in limbo, because I kind of did.  I am going to try and get my ass in gear this summer and do stuff, but we will see
Read more

There's something happening here... July 22, 2023

Image
  I'm in this picture :) It is getting sunny outside as I never got up until 7.  It was so nice to sleep from 9:30 until 7:00.  It really was the best night's sleep I have had in a long time.  Must have been all the weed, food, and Ambien :) Things have been going ok.  I am trying not to stress upcoming scans at the end of next month, but it is so hard.  Tiffany and Maeve will be heading to TN Sunday.  I really don't like it when Tiffany is not home, I get lonely after a couple of days.  She helps me relax as otherwise I am incapable for some reason.  I guess I just don't know what to do with myself. I have felt pretty good other than the bowel issues.  I am sometimes concerned that the bowel issues are associated with new colon tumors, but I have to be patient with my healing etc...  I know I should eat better, but I have this munchies issue when I get stoned.  I was able to not eat the other day when I was stoned and that was a step in the right direction.  Chemo made
Read more