There might have been things I missed - June 17, 2023

 


I thought I would look at a picture from a year ago.



I guess you can see a difference in my pudgy face.  The second picture is washed out a bit, but it does look like my hair is darker in the more recent picture.  That is most definitely a lighting issue I'm sure.  I must have had nebula or galaxy as the light scheme due to the purple ball on the TV.  Not much has changed about the messy room.,

I can't really say how I have changed.  In a month and 1/2 from the bottom picture I was on the operating table in Sloan.  I had strong optimism then that I was going to beat this thing.  I still feel like I am going to beat this thing, but not as aggressively as I did then.  I think I am more indifferent to it now.  I just want it not to be there, like an annoying house fly (do know, there is an annoying house fly pestering me at my desk right now) always buzzing around with no apparent purpose.  That is cancer now, destroyed my insides, medicines make me sick, and my keeps my brain cloudy.  It is just buzzing around with no apparent purpose.

It is the slowness of it all that gets me. I spent my life quickly fixing everything and now I have to slowly watch my body die.  It is upsetting.  I don't cry as much as I used to.  I think maybe I have come to terms with either outcome.  I keep thinking that there should be some big thing that I am doing, but honestly, I am happy doing what I always have done.  Spend time in the comfort of my lovely wife during a quiet evening in the home we built.  What better place to be than where you are loved and where you have invested love.

Well, Nala is out and about.  I should investigate.

I love you all!

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