February 16.2022

 So two days of testing...  It looks like I have a tumor in my rectum.  I want to just cry all day.  I need to be stronger for Tiffany and the girls, but I am just bawling inside.  I so have to fight this as I am not done loving Tiffany yet.  I am somewhat lost at the moment as I have no idea what to do.  I don't want to eat and I have lost 12 pounds since Tuesday of last week.  Everything I put in my mouth I want to spit out like a cat that has something stuck to their tongue. 

I keep thinking about a time in winter when Tiffany was working at Rite Aid (I think it was Rite Aid).  She was walking up the street from work to come to the house on Center Street.  How selfish I was not to go down and meet her?  I was watching out the front window as she came towards the house.  She had her hair short then, she had a navy pea coat on, a miniskirt, and was smoking a cigarette.  I can see it so vividly.  She was so beautiful - still is.  I can't write what happened later that day as someone else may read this.  It is hard to believe that I can love something so much it hurts.

I have to start talking a bit about my girls.  Gusty and Maeve, I am so proud of you two.  I know that all dads are biased, but you two are the best daughters I could ask for.  I so desperately want you both to be happy.  I won't tell you what to do for a living or to make sure you work hard, but what I will tell you is; don't let someone treat you poorly.  Take the risk, the leap, etc...  I have always got the best results from when I looked straight into the fear and still kept going.  One last item, be kind to people.  I know it seems simple, but I have seen so many angry people (a lot more recently) treat other's like crap.  I see nothing wrong with trying to make someone have a better day.

Well, I am going to try and eat something.  I love you all forever and ever

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