February 11, 2022

 Yesterday was tough, my stomach hurts really badly when I eat and I've lost almost 8 pounds in a few days because I am not eating enough.  I am hoping that some of the cramping and sickness was caused by a medication prescribed for my rising blood sugar but I fear it could just be what is going on in my body.  I still hold out extreme hope for just some gastric issue, but I have decided to bring the rest of my family into the loop on the early test results.

As to them, I feel so bad that I put work ahead of them over the last several years.  I was so focused on earning money and my success so that my immediately family would be provided for that I forgot how important they were.  I think back at how close we were as kids and how many things we did together as a family, I miss that.  I suppose it is a fact of life that we all must go forth and build our own thing, but I should have made a better effort.  I promise if I get through this, I will be a better grandfather, father, husband, son, brother, and uncle.

I have some tests on Monday and Tuesday that should start shedding some light on my diagnosis.  It will be a couple of rough days as I go straight from a biopsy of my liver on Monday to an endoscopy and colonoscopy on Tuesday.  I really hate the colonoscopy prep and with as bad as my stomach feels now, I dread the thought of the cramps and stomach pain.

I thought I would give some advice to my kids in each post for what its worth.  Take better care of yourself that I did.  Limit your alcohol intake, eat right, etc.  I should have focused more on my health.  I did after Jean died, but then I lost my way again, probably due to me working too much.  Please try and love people as much as you can, we forget how important it is to be present.  Listen more, your mother will tell you I have that problem.  My brain goes all over the place and I am always thinking about 15 things.  Give people their time, be kind even when it doesn't seem like the right thing.  Anger solves nothing.

Enjoy the beauty of nature, I know I spend a lot of time inside, but I relish looking up at the morning, evening, and night sky just basking in the beauty.  I used to hike all over the island when I lived in Hawaii and it is one of my fondest memories.  Leaving the city of Honolulu to escape to a place and rarely see another person.

Well, my timer has gone off and I am going to attempt to eat some oatmeal.

I love you all so very very much and I can't tell you that enough!