February 15, 2022

 Spent most of Valentine's day in the hospital for the liver biopsy.  Tiffany and I have never really celebrated the day as every day with Tiffany is Valentine's day.  I'm not joking about that.  She is a wonderful woman, selfless, and caring.  There is a line in Family Man, "You see, you're a better person than I am.  And it made me a better person to be around you"; this line describes me and Tiffany.  She is a better person than I am, and she makes the best in me come out.  I love her so fucking much... 

I have been doing colonoscopy prep and it is killing my insides.  I am so crampy this morning at 4 AM (need to finish my prep).  I had quite a bit of blood in my first BM of the morning (TMI?) and that scares me.  I'd had some spotting and what I thought were blood in my stool before, but this was a bit of blood.  Quite a different thing for me.  I am still holding out hope for something other than a cancer diagnosis.

Tiffany is under so much stress and I wish I could help more.  Not only does she have to prop me up and put on a good front for me, she is in a lot of pain due to a stint from a kidney stone.  Now Nala has blood in her urine and probably needs to go to the vet.  I am not sure how much more she can take and I am worried about her.

I am tired this morning and need to run back to that room due to prep so I am cutting this short.  I love you Tiffany, Gusty, and Maeve so very much.  

I decided to finish up a little after 2nd part of my colonoscopy prep.  I know I have told you Tiffany how much I love you, and I can't tell you enough.  We always say we have been together lifetime after lifetime and I think you should know that I could live a million lifetimes with you and still have not loved you enough to make up for the love you have given me.  

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

She said, she said, "You don't know shit because you've never been there"... March 24, 2024

Image
 It's been a while since I posted (I say that every post now), but I don't seem to have the morning time I used to and I am not certain why (going to work I guess).   I have been plugging along.  Getting back to the shitty routine of work and weekends, with a mix of NJ travel.  It has been since October since I had systematic chemo and I'm on my first of at least two pump breaks.  I just had liver ablations done (6 hour procedure) and they say they got everything they could see, which tells me they have been down this path before (burn out what they can see, but the little ones are still growing).   Either way, this gives me more time, and I hope they got it all.  I have scans on May 1, so I will know somethings then.  It is all just a wait and see game; which I no longer want to play. The family is doing well (I guess).  I feel like I put everyone's life in limbo, because I kind of did.  I am going to try and get my ass in gear this summer and do stuff, but we will see
Read more

I won't dance, don't ask me... August 11, 2023

That song in not on in the background of this video, but listening to the swing albums makes me think of it.  It was so funny the time I re-wrote the lyrics to talk about Maeve not napping.  I won't nap, don't ask me...  I haven't been feeling very well.  I try not to let Tiffany know, but I have been so lightheaded and dizzy combined with some nasty insides, I just feel like things are getting worse.  It could be my body is sick of the chemo.  I hope that is what the issue is and not that I have cancer in my gut or brain. I am going to try and get some work outside done today.  I bailed on work, I just can't keep my head in the game and it isn't fair to them that I just sit here staring at a screen.  If I am not working they shouldn't pay me. Well, I am going to get busy on the day. I love you all!
Read more

March 6, 2022

Image
 Feeling a little lightheaded this morning.  Still I road the stationary bike for 20 minutes so I am keeping up my trend of getting up and stretching (yoga) and then exercising.  I have been having some pain in my chest, but I think that is just the stress of knowing that I am about 1 week away from starting chemo. The chemo they are giving me is for colorectal cancer, but is associated with prolonging life but not curing my cancer.  I am going to fight like hell to be the statistical anomaly that beats this thing.  Thank God for my family as I am not certain I would not fight as hard for myself as I will for them. It is supposed to be 67 degrees today so I am looking forward to getting outside.  It wasn't nice enough to get out yesterday and clean up the dog messes, but I will get to that earlier this morning.  It is already 40+ degrees outside so I am looking forward to having some windows open today. Squirt is currently sleeping on my right arm. He is such a baby.  I don't h
Read more