Where it began, I can't begin to knowing... November 8, 2023


 

I have to wonder how many of these pictures I have taken sitting in this desk chair.  After well over a year and a half, I probably have quite a few (I don't post every day and I probably could make a rough guess, but it is more than 200).  

I am struggling a bit with depression, etc...  I suspect if I had this chemo break in the summer it would have been better for me as I could get out of the house in the AM and the evenings enjoying some warm weather and sun, but I shouldn't complain.  It is all relative I guess as there are times in the summer when I just don't feel like going outside because it is too warm, etc...  You miss things when they are gone and I suppose that includes the past summer.

I'm also a little anxious, I can't determine what I want to do most of the time.  Work sucks (it is work) and I just get into this shitty funk every fall.  I realized today that most of my "fun" in the past included just drinking away the day and I really need to find other ways to enjoy myself, but when you don't know whether you are going to shit yourself or be slightly crippled by gas and fullness you get a little stuck.

Thinking about all the shit I just wrote, it isn't the rambling of a cancer patient, but could be the rambling of anyone.  It is funny, we live in an age where we have information at our finger tips, tons of streaming media, games, etc... and I don't know what I want to do with the day.

I am going to stop bitching now.

Things are going well, Tiffany and I tripped it to NJ again on Monday/Tuesday.  It is nice not to be so chemo fucked up.  I really want to beat this cancer thing and I have faith that I will, but all the issues with my insides scare me.  I guess I need to get busy living...

Time to get ready for the work day.

I love you all!

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