Darlin', if you want me to be closer to you, get closer to me... December 12, 2023


 So I am trying, but I am horribly depressed.  I just don't know what I am supposed to be doing.  I mean don't get me wrong, I know what I am supposed to be doing.  Working, providing for my family, etc...  I don't know what I am supposed to be doing concerning the cancer.  I thought that the break from chemo would be nice and I would feel better, but my insides still feel like shit.  I just feel like I am wasting this holiday time, but I don't know what I would be doing if I wasn't wasting the holiday time.  I just am not sure what I would be doing all the same.

Part of my issue is that I feel sick (nauseous) a lot.  I am not sure if that is from depression/doom/gloom or if I really don't feel well.  I know my digestion isn't good and it seems I have to take loperamide to keep from going a million times a day, but then it leads to uncomfortable gas and pain in my gut.  Either way, my gut feels like shit.

I try not to bitch so I am bitching here in the hopes to get it out of my system.  I also don't want to rush through the holidays to get to scans.  

All in all, I am tired, tired of the every two week trips, tired of feeling like a burden, tired of feeling like I am holding everyone back. I guess it is because my life feels like it is in limbo.

Well, I am going to play some Oxygen Not Included before I get ready for work.

I love you all!

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