It's the most wonderful time of the year... May 7, 2024




It's Christmas in May? Nah, just have that song stuck in my head.  Not sure why, I just do.  I am no longer in the doldrums, I am now lost at sea.  My scans came back with 4 tumors in the liver (again).  Some seem to be the same location that we had ablation.  I don't know if they are scare remnants or whether they are tumors, but according to the scan there is a new one that is 1cm in size.  It didn't exist in the last scan so that means in less than 2 months, that tumor started and is now a cm in size.  This scares me.

I am beginning to lose hope on all of this; and that is the bad thing.  I had for sometime had this thought process that I would miraculously beat this thing and a part of me still believes that, but the negative thoughts are beginning to win.

I think that my depression causes issues in the house and brings everyone down.  I have put everyone's life in limbo.  It is not really fair that no one gets to do anything because of me.  2.5 years of running back and forth to NJ/NYC.  I know that I wouldn't still be here if we didn't.

My health is a bit of a crap shoot.  My gut hurts most of the time, it is hard to find a food that makes it feel better and I may have to start micro-dosing the weed as that is the only thing that seems to make it somewhat bearable.  It doesn't make me as hungry as it used to; and I am down to 184 pounds as of this morning.

Well, I need to get ready for my telemed today.

I love you all!

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