First time ever I saw your face... April 8, 2024


 Yes, that is War Games playing behind me :)

Today is the near full eclipse here in Upstate NY.  Though we have a trip to NJ to do pump maintenance, we are going to stay and watch the eclipse before we leave for the day.  I have been in a funk lately and having a hard time finding joy in anything.  I through myself so hard into work the 10 years before my cancer diagnosis that I don't know what else I enjoy.  

I lost a fellow cancer sufferer the other day.  He went pretty quickly once he went into managed hospice.  It is depressing to watch.  Jason was NED at one time, or at least thought he was.  I am glad that we never settled in too hard on the clear CT scans as I would be even more depressed than I already am.  It is really hard at times to find great joy when you are uncertain about your health.

I suppose I should understand that no one is guaranteed a tomorrow.  I know about the infamous bus that might hit you, but mine is slowly driving down the road and I can't get out of the way.  I wonder if this is what the really elderly feel like at times.  Though I am surrounding by family everyday, I sometimes feel alone in this.  A movie quote once said, "we all die alone" - I think that is true.

I am going to try and spend a little more time in the yard this year.  It makes me feel good to do things that improve our home or at least gives me something to do that isn't technology.

Well, I am going to go to my most used room and maybe eat something.

I love you all!

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