I found a love for me... May 13, 2025


 Well, May 13 - I made another spring, suck that life.  I will admit things are getting hard.  My insides hurt most of the time, the chemo is starting to really kick the shit out of my ability to think, but I persevere.

Honestly, I am in the middle of a chemo treatment, 2 of what I think is 6 or at least 5 treatments.  We are hoping this shrinks everything that started growing, giving me more time. There just isn't enough time, seriously.

Gusty had baby number 2 (Declan Micheal - yes, I meant that ;) ).  He is so beautiful.  I worry that her children won't know me, just like I didn't know my grandfather.  This makes me sad.

Somedays, it just feels like I am going through the motions of living.  I think that makes sense right?  I mean especially during this chemo thing, I can't really do much, I spend most of the time stoned and out of it to keep from feeling like shit.  Sometimes, I think it is just my head and others, I know that shit is real.

Either way, I am still here, I am making money to take care of my family - and to me, that is so very important.  You see, I hope my children were happy growing up, but life was different for them than me.  No matter how hard we try to recreate paths, life finds its way to get to things.  Kind of like I needed to get cancer to slow down and realize all the things I was missing.

Well, almost time to head outside - I so love Spring!

I love you all!

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