Somewhere Between a Monkey and a Man

  I suppose I should have put a Friday the 13th kind of song at the title.  As normal, the song title never relates to what I write.  Just happens to be either stuck in my head of the first song I think of (that I haven't put on the title before). Things are going ok.  Tiffany and I keep passing this damn intestinal bug back and forth, but she seems to have it worse than I do and more.  It was hard for me to kick and I am pretty sure I had it for months. Ablation went well from a recovery stand point.  Just a little pain now that we are coming to the end of the 2nd week moving into the third.  My hernias seem to bother me more than anything.  The oncologist doesn't recommend getting them fixed at this time. He is a hard read, but he made it pretty clear he doesn't recommend fixing them at all.  I get to thinking he is just trying to keep me alive and anything that interferes with that is on the don't do it list. All in all though, I could be in worse places.  I haven

 The dogs woke me up at 4:12 AM again this morning.  I say again, because I haven't slept until my alarm in days.  It doesn't help that I am having a hard time getting to sleep.  So needless to say, I am fucking tired. I have ablations next week.  The IR's office moved the procedure from Sept 9th up to August 27.  I think this is good as it limits the amount of time I am off chemo.  I don't want to go back on chemo, but I know it is my best chance for survival.  I am not certain if that is the path my oncologist will take as I don't talk to him until Sept 3rd, but I am assuming. I still have two hernias that I need to deal with.  They don't bother me that much, but when I am active, they can be pretty painful.  I do get worried about all these procedures.  Funny, before my appendectomy I hadn't had as much as a broken bone.  Now, I have had more Dr. visits and surgeries in the last 3 years than I have had my whole life.  Getting old sucks. Sunrise isn't

 I can't believe I hadn't used that song before today.  Seems strange.  I am wearing a hat and hood because my head is cold.  We have gotten to the point in summer where the mornings are under 60 and pushing into the low 50s.  Also, sun rise isn't until 6:14 AM - I really dislike winter, but I will need to find somethings that keep me busy so that I don't get as depressed as I did last winter. I looked back to my post surgery post 2 years ago (I didn't actually post for sometime after surgery so I guess I was pretty laid up).  I was worried about whether I would beat this shit and I still am, but I am also still here.  The funny thing is, I am still in the same place.  Shrinking liver tumors, hoping they can remove them all.  Story of my life I guess, shrinking tumors, hoping they can remove them all. Well, the dogs are scratching the door.  Time for my morning walk I guess. I love you all!

  It's been a couple weeks.  It looks as if I have beaten the norovirus as I am feeling much better which helps with my spirits.  Being sick while having cancer is not fun.  I had scans last week and things looked OK.  No new tumors, shrinking tumors, and the ablation zone is fully healed with no tumors.  All good news.  I won't be sure where we care headed until we meet with the oncologist and the interventional radiologist, but for now, I am taking this as a kind of win. I think with results like this and I think back to when this started, if I stay healthy I should get at least another 2 years which I will take considering how I felt just last month. I think all of this is weighing heavily on Tiffany.  I worry about her.  Between me and the girls, she has her hands full.  I try to be helpful around the house, dishes and cleaning, but I'm not as spry as I used to be. Well, I need to get to work. I love you all!

 Well, another week, more chemo.  I suppose at this point I can say I'm better than last treatment.  The chemo messes with my gut, but it isn't as bad as it has been in the past couple so maybe I am getting past this norovirus.  I have been feeling bad about not being a very good husband.  I try to keep up around the house and do my fair share, but I just don't feel like I am showing Tiffany enough love.  I am not sure how I can as she has done so much for me that I can't think of any way that I can give back to her the sacrifices and work she has done for me.  I'm trying. The sunrises have gotten to the point that it is nearly 6 AM before it gets light outside.  This time of year always depresses me.  The evenings are fine as it starts to get cooler and that is great for us sleeping and not running the AC all night, however it signals to they fact that soon we will be locked into the house as no one likes winter here. The gardening is going ok this year.  A lot of

 The morning sun rise is getting pretty close to 6 AM.  The dreaded end of summer is coming and it makes me sad.  How did it get to be the end of July?   I just started to feel a bit better and of course it is time for chemo again.  I am terrified that the chemo is no longer working, but I won't know until late next week as next scans are up.  I think all in all we removed on treatment cycle, but we dropped the pump as it would seem that the chemo was injuring my liver to a point that it is counter productive I guess.  The oncologist commented in his notes that a continued reduction in dosage is not possible as we already have a low dose. Things in the house are going well.  I keep thinking we should be doing more "fun" things, but then I don't know what those are.  I mean I still have to work full time and then we travel to NJ every two weeks, so when would I be doing anything fun.  Takes a good 7 days to recover from chemo, then it is right back at it after one week