Somewhere Between a Monkey and a Man

  June 2025, HA!  There are times I wasn't sure I would still be here in 2025, but here I am.  My doctor said he wasn't sure that I would be able to travel come spring/summer of this year, but I could.  Am I the picture of health? No, but I can do more than a lot of people my age who haven't been through my bullshit. I guess the big thing is I can still spend time with and provide for my family.  That is really my drive. The gardening is coming along and I planted a lot more flowering items this year, as well as the berries and grapes seem well established.   Honestly, it is just nice to be outside. Well, just about 7 and I should get to work :) we get to working... I love you all!

 You probably can't tell, but I am shrinking.  If you find a picture of me in that same sweatshirt from 2 years ago, it is quite noticeable.  All in all, I am still doing alright... considering.  Chemo is kicking my ass hard, but I get about 3 days where I feel good enough to get stuff done.  The 3 to 4 rough days of chemo is painful, but I try to focus on getting through.  Speaking of chemo, today is chemo day (joy joy).   Tiffany is so amazing about taking care of me, I don't know how she does it all. Well, I am going to pretend to work for a bit, then head out to the hospital. I love you all!

 Well, May 13 - I made another spring, suck that life.  I will admit things are getting hard.  My insides hurt most of the time, the chemo is starting to really kick the shit out of my ability to think, but I persevere. Honestly, I am in the middle of a chemo treatment, 2 of what I think is 6 or at least 5 treatments.  We are hoping this shrinks everything that started growing, giving me more time. There just isn't enough time, seriously. Gusty had baby number 2 (Declan Micheal - yes, I meant that ;) ).  He is so beautiful.  I worry that her children won't know me, just like I didn't know my grandfather.  This makes me sad. Somedays, it just feels like I am going through the motions of living.  I think that makes sense right?  I mean especially during this chemo thing, I can't really do much, I spend most of the time stoned and out of it to keep from feeling like shit.  Sometimes, I think it is just my head and others, I know that shit i...

 So, I tried to rescue the rabbit from the dogs, but Bear had already broken it's back or neck with the shaking.  It is so upsetting and when I get one dog off, the other runs at it.  I finally got them inside, but it was too late for the bunny.  It makes me so sad and ruins my morning to be honest.  I had been so enjoying my morning walks.  My guess is the bunny was living under the deck, came out and couldn't find a way back in.  I need to close off the whole thing to try and stop that.  The dogs are really good at cornering the rabbit, but I guess it is in their nature right? I start chemo back up this week (I think).  It has been a really long time (since August).  I am not looking forward to it, but I need it unfortunately.  I have 4 new tumors in my abdomen (on lymph nodes) and a couple new ones in my liver.  The chemo has worked before, but I am concerned.  I am keeping my can't stop me attitude, but lately, I have ...

  Well, it's funny because today, I actually feel better than I have in weeks.  I'm not certain why, but I will take it. My tumors grew slightly.  My oncologist gave me the choice to continue chemo or continue my break and we think it is time to get back on the juice.  I still have hope that I will beat this thing, but I fear it is going to do me in as well.  Most days my insides hurt and I wonder if others that don't have my ability to ignore pain would be as functional as I am. Either way, I continue to persevere and that is due to all the support I get at home.  My wife is fucking amazing. I just thought I would check in.  With summer coming I will be out of my stupid funk that winter throws me into and maybe being active will help me feel more energetic (I know it will). Well, back to work. I love you all!

 Well, not sure I have written since all the news.  I am on a chemo break, only because we are saving it for when it is necessary as I have 4 small tumors and they need to see what happens with them.  My gut is sore most days regardless of what I eat and it is getting a bit annoying. I just feel like I am stuck in some sort of purgatory and unfortunately brought my family with me.   Regardless, I still have my strength (short of the hernias) and I am able to do most things.  That is all good. Well, need to make my breakfast I love you all!