Somewhere Between a Monkey and a Man

 It's been a while since I posted (I say that every post now), but I don't seem to have the morning time I used to and I am not certain why (going to work I guess).   I have been plugging along.  Getting back to the shitty routine of work and weekends, with a mix of NJ travel.  It has been since October since I had systematic chemo and I'm on my first of at least two pump breaks.  I just had liver ablations done (6 hour procedure) and they say they got everything they could see, which tells me they have been down this path before (burn out what they can see, but the little ones are still growing).   Either way, this gives me more time, and I hope they got it all.  I have scans on May 1, so I will know somethings then.  It is all just a wait and see game; which I no longer want to play. The family is doing well (I guess).  I feel like I put everyone's life in limbo, because I kind of did.  I am going to try and get my ass in gear this summer and do stuff, but we will see

  I wasn't going to write this morning.  I haven't written in a bit and even when I have it wasn't anything of value.  I have been kind of floating hoping for good news, maybe thinking I would wake up and all of this was a bad dream.  However, I wouldn't know what I know now without this experience.  How much my wife loves me, how important I am to my family, how much I truly want to live. Today, we are on our way back to NYC for a liver ablation procedure.  It should be nothing like the surgeries before as they will not be cutting me open fully, but I am still concerned.  The last surgery was difficult and I was really sick.  Recovery was difficult and I don't want to go through that again, but I will, and I always will, to be with my family. So, I suppose I am writing this to tell you all how much I love you and how thankful I am to have spent my life with you.  I know I existed before us, but I didn't know life or love until I had this family. I love you all!